The best under-eye concealer in existence

Not well-rested, just very happy to have Greek food & the best undereye concealer EVER

Hello sweet friend,

What did you do this week?

I had a hilarious and meandering conversation with an old friend via text message (is there any other way?), wherein I realized: I have found the Best Concealer of All Time.

To some, this may be a mundane and shudderingly shallow revelation. These people have not been sleep deprived for the past two decades of their lives.

Residency and new motherhood have many similarities, one being that concealer is the bread of survival (the butter is caffeine, naturally). The upside of being exquisitely tired, for such a long time, is that now I am an Under-Eye Concealer Expert. Bow down.

The devil

Listed below is a sequential skewering of Sephora's current top 20 concealers (under-eye concealers, sorted by "top rated").

<This is something I would normally reserve for a friendly email, but I'm trying to take the Ephronism to heart: "everything is copy.">

1) tarte creaseless under eye concealer: untested, now extraordinarily curious (edit: it is a reformulation of a good, but very crease-prone concealer)
**** in case this is sephora's version of the famous "shape tape": that is very good, but very fussy; full coverage, but takes a lot of finessing and certainly more than my current 3 minute makeup routine will allow

2) becca under eye brightening concealer: flecks of sparkle under your eye. FLECKS. of SPARKLE.

3) bare minerals broad spectrum concealer: please stop reading if you think a powder can substitute for under eye concealer. you do not have under eye problems.

4) ysl all hours concealer: effective and long lasting, but undertones could be improved; likely better for face than for the blue-purple shadows under the eye, that simultaneously need to be brightened while being neutralized

5) stellar limitless concealer: very intriguing, untested

6) nars soft matte complete concealer: manages to be greasy and drying at the same time. greasy: creases and little coverage; drying: will make you question why you're the last one to do botox

7) amazing cosmetics illuminate: doesn't look like it exists any more when you click on it, untested

8) amazing cosmetics hydrate: shade offerings are too dark for me, untested

9) bareminerals barepro: very very nice-- I keep it in my car as an "alternate", part of an in-case-of-emergency makeup kits; I can apply with no mirror, at stoplights, for my 1 minute makeup (this occurs 2-3 days a week...)
***this is a BETTER version of the cle de peau!! as in: I would call it a dupe, but it actually has a smoother finish!

10) make up forever full cover concealer: creases like mad

11) giorgio armani beauty high precision retouch: needs the matching setting powder, and honestly I am intolerant of high-needs makeup at this point

12) givenchy teint couture concealer: untested, but after reading description, it seems delightful

13) ysl touche éclat: WHO ARE THE PEOPLE THIS WORKS FOR????? why do you lot pretend like you have under eye issues?? it makes the rest of us want to slink off into a non-french-girl corner

14) bobbi brown under eye corrector: needs the concealer on top + a setting powder. de trop.

15) givenchy mister light: if I hadn't found My Love (see next section), I would try this, except now I'm rethinking my whole life, because it is lower-rated than the touch éclat, so what does that mean??
(EDIT: NOOooooooo. G.L.I.T.T.E.R.)

16) nars radiant creamy concealer: honestly the concealer that started this deranged rant. the fact that this is popular in any way supports a ringing truth: there is a vast beauty-wing conspiracy out to pillage money from tired women everywhere. this is a horrid concealer, which ages you beyond belief

17) make up forever lift concealer: untested

18) make up forever color correction pallette: creases

19) rms beauty un-coverup: see my strongly worded argument against powder concealers. if you love this, you got 99 problems/but undereyes ain't one. 

20) laura mercier secret concealer: too dry, tough to get on

I will add three others, not sold at sephora:
* clé de peau: both the old version and reformulated version: too drying for the under eye, strange undertones for the under eye

* charlotte tilbury the retoucher: requires setting, I can't be bothered

* la mer (old and new formulations both): moves around too much/doesn't stay in place

Tiny angels appear under your eyes, perpetually fluttering their wings to prevent creasing

Here is the crescendo: The Best Concealer Ever. For me. Because everyone's peepers are different. My undereye circles are a combination of heredity and fatigue (the bonus of fatigue is that there is no sunken component); my upper eyelids are oily, but the lower are normal, with a tendency to crease near the lash line. 

This one neutralizes the badness, brightens up the underage, lasts ~11 hours, doesn't crease, doesn't require setting powder. Ask for a tester (they will complain but will make you one), since it's not obvious which is best based on tube color alone (the one I tried was a ridiculous one, much too light and pink, and worked perfectly: 1C). 

Do you share an animosity against inanimate objects? 

Have a wonderful week, see you again Sunday!

Wishing you the health of happiness,
Mama, M.D.

P.S. Any concealer, in order to work well, needs a reliable SPF to prevent creasing!

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